the day go out with the kids

i made my mind to bring these kids out for fun today, having our meal at McD and spend the evening at Padang Polo. those who live in Ipoh surely know where was it. i bet they enjot themselves. wanna bring them for movie too, but, erm..maybe next week, on Wednesday, coz get less on the ticket price rite, why shudn't we appreciate the opportunity ;))

so, as the result, that little boy Danish already off to bed, rite after the maghrib prayer. gud! while his brother, Haziq still playing rite behind of me on the bed, he ask to sleep with me tonite, ok dear!

after sending the kids home, i changed to sporty unifrom, becoz...i got jog date with arashi's big fan, suhana. hehe, he show me one of her most loveable potrait, which she used to draw it by herself, whow!minat sgt ko ek, nak jadikan hadiah harijadi pade ano(xsilap dgr la, salah sorg ahli group arashi tu)..hey arashi u really got a lovely big fan rite here in malaysia, pls come make a concert here!

bad news was i didnt get any of company in Ipoh that offer allowance during my 6 months practical.oh so dramatic.. ;(( dunno la, shud i apply for other company out of Perak, such as puchong?i already print out 5 resumes for 5 companies around Puchong and Kemuning area(coz near to my sis house), but suddenly tonite my dad advise me to take take the tmnet company, he said rather i practical in ipoh, then out of other state, many things to handle out (again, travelling n moving surely)..but i know he want me to be near of him n mom, becoz...haha.i kan manager of this house, miahhahaah. he said, cost sara hidup (petrol, pocket money) bier die n mak tanggung. erm...kalau apaknye dah kate gtu...oklah, lagipun, TMnet tu dah dkt dah dgn major field i, hope leh menimba pengalaman practical dgn jayanya, amin!

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so true..

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible

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Azu & Ryo-chan

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Some Reflections on Prayer and Effort

　I begin in the name of the my caretaker, the most wise, the praiseworthy .

　In the silent of the night I lay in my futon, thinking. Another day has passed, what have I done today that contributes to the creation and dissemination of beauty in this world? Maybe I should lower my expectations a little. What were my contributions to the total sum of beauty existing in the people around me?

　Now, the question is a little bit easier to be thought of, to be reflected upon. I usually don’t jump into conclusions because what I am interested in most of the times are the right questions-the right answers might follow from a right question, but it is impossible to get the right answer if you start with the wrong question. Therefore when I think, my emphasis is on the question-at least that is what I try to instill in me. It is not my belief that one is entitled to such arrogance, confidence, so the most that I can say is that I tried.

　A more accessible question now posed before me; next I should then guess the answer before finding a way to falsify it. When the method to falsify is found, my effort should then go into disproving my guess without any reservations. Should I succeed in falsifying my guess, I will have to make a fresh guess and now learning from the failure, the hope is that I can make a better guess; a guess that will hopefully be more difficult to disprove. If the opposite happens, meaning should my relentless effort to disprove my guess fails every time, my confidence towards my guess will increase. But that doesn’t at all mean that now I posses the truth-far away from that. Allah is all-knowing, we God’s creation can only guess. In essence, all knowledge possessed by the human race from the inception of their species are but guesses.

　Saying that, I am not saying that because of that we should give up all that have been thought of, that have been checked against reality time and again. Acquiring knowledge through the method of falsification is the best way of thinking our species have come up with so far. Sure, it doesn’t promise absolute truths, absolute answers, or absolute knowledge, but it provides us with a way to determine how certain we can be that something is true. Truth is no more black and white but is spread throughout a wide spectrum; we now let thoughts to have degrees of truth, of certainty. The more certain we are that something describes nature, the more we can use it to our benefit with confidence. That’s how the spoon is invented, that’s how clothes are, also the mineral water bottle, the television set, the airplane, the nuclear reactor. The things that we do, we use, without even the slightest doubt that it will not yield the result we intended actually came from the relentless effort of trying to disprove a guess, and there is no guarantee that it will not be disproved one day.

　I really think that falsification is the best method to find out about the world, and we should push that thought to the limit and see where it will bring us. Nevertheless, we must always remember that in essence they are nothing but guesses. We will never know whether something is true or not, we can never be absolutely confident that something will work out the way we intended it to. Even with our best efforts, our actions, our thoughts should reduce into hopes; prayers.

　This is my thought, the fruit of my reflections. I am here in my room staring towards the ceiling, there is no wind outside; still it is very cold. In my heart I yearn for my beloved. I ache for her presence, for her smile, for her voice, for her cries, for her warmth, for the beauty of her companionship. How do I fare in increasing the amount of beauty in this relationship? I can only guess. A voice whispered to me to pray for the success of this relationship after my obligatory prayers. I remember that I replied to the voice saying: if you share my beliefs, you’ll notice that there is no instant when I am not praying for her, for us.

And all praise belongs to the almighty, the creator of beauty, the nurturer of love.

*futon (布団): a Japanese mattress used for bedding

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azu said..

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to whom that i love

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20-10-2010

pretty numbers on today date.
4.05am already.
but i feel so hard to fall asleep.
i do feel sleepy, but there's something missing. no, its not something, it was someone.
my sweetheart.i let him sleep earlier tonight, to recharge back his energy.
but then, i feel so alone..almost every evening-to-night-to-morning we spent together, but tonight (its morning already) i have to go through over all this hours by myself-alone..feels not so right.
if i could have you 24/7, i will never let u go even a meter from me.
but i love u, i dont want u to get sick..so i have to let u rest well.
u are like my soul, when u go away, i feel like dying and so empty...
u cherish me, every moments of my life.

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Yang Pertama

Wahai ‘kau’ yang beralih cinta, jika kau telah berpunya…

Justeru ini yang berlaku:
Nipis poket suamimu, FAKIR DEFINISIMU
Kendur kulit isterimu, HILANG SELERAMU
Kerana kewujudan dia, kononnya serba sempurna
Maka kau tak sedaya upaya selamatkan rumahtangga
Sebagaimana dulu kau berusaha, mencintai suami/isterimu dan menikahinya…

Tenung kembali wajah anakmu
Sayangkah kamu pada zuriatmu itu?
Berapa berhargakah dia padamu?
Satu soalan nak ku aju,
Kalau tak kerana suami/isterimu yang kau benci itu,
Bolehkah kau dapatkan anak seistimewa begitu?

Bercintalah kamu kerana Tuhanmu
Cinta kerana menyebarkan agamamu
Seorang tua pernah berkata…
Yang Pertama itu, adalah yang terbaik buat kita…

(quoted from someone who name him/herself as TakkanMelayuHilangDiDunia, sorry coz i couldn't trace who you really are, but your written touching my heart, izinkan saya)

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weee...hari yg indah!

di hari sabtu ni, rase mcm gembira, coz even aku tak kuar dating, window shopping, or else, by i accompanied by sumone special through my skype, teehee. jarak yg beribu2 batu memisahkan kami, dr situ menimbulkan kemesraan yg penah hilang selama bertahun2 yg lalu. kini ia kembali.

" If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be. "

never thought we back as together as one. itulah takdir..yg sedih, yg gembira, harus redha kite terima. ujian kesedihan yg penah melanda diri ini, kini bertukar menjadi kegembiraan, ibarat matahari yg muncul selepas hujan, wah gtu...hahhahaha! tp selama mana kegembiraan ini akan kekal, itu yg kita tak tahu, jadi berdoalah segalanya dipermudahkan oleh Allah.. for better or for worse, only Allah knows.

aperpun,rasa syukur n bahagia tak penah lekang dr hati ni sejak kehadiran dia kembali. luarbiasanya hubungan aku dan dia, haiskkk, hanya kami yg tahu. ni kalau jadi kawen, dpt lak beranak pinak, wah, seronok btul wat bed story kat anak2 aku sal love story mum n dad die yer.kahkah, berangan gila!

ni dia lagu kiseki dari Greeeen..si dia jugaklah yg kenalkan aku dgn lagu ni, bile aku tau meaning lagu ni, oh bru aku sedar, omg, sgt menyentuh jiwa..adekah mmg die sengaje dedicate lagu ini tuk aku, (ehee, wat2 tanye lak yer ;p). bestkan lagu ni.kan kan kan kan kan.

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