if the light is off then it isn't on

Thursday, September 2, 2010

my mind, my heart, my soul wont let me to forget you..i dont know why..

setelah tahun demi tahun berlalu, hubungan yg sememangnye telah lama terputus, terus pudar dan semakin hilang...kite terputus hubungan, tiada sebarang perutusan, membawa haluan masing2. bagi aku, kamu terlalu bagus, dan aku tak layak untuk mencari dan merayu cintamu lagi.jadi aku biarkan perasaan pada kamu terus pergi dan lenyap ditelan usia.

tetapi, sesuatu yg tidak pernah aku jangka terjadi..ketika sedar, ketika mata ini berkelip, tidak pernah pun aku cuba untuk mengingati kamu, tidak pernah.kenangan-kenangan lama mmg aku simpan, aku ingt tetapi tidak untuk dikenang2. namun, apabila aku dibuai lena, dirimu sering mengunjungi di alam mimpi ku. bukanlah hari2 aku mimpikan kamu, tetapi setiap bulan, atau dua bulan sekali pasti kamu akan muncul dalam lena aku..yg mana sudah cukup untuk membuatkan diriku tidak dapat membuang seluruh kenangan dirimu dr dalam diriku.apakah ini mainan mimpi, bayangan tidur, atau anugerah tuhan yg istimewa dr Tuhan, dr kerana nilai cinta yg pernah kita bina dahulu.

aku tak mengerti semua ini wahai Tuhanku, apakah petanda yg ingin Kau kirimkan padaku.. yg aku tahu, pabila aku sedar dr tdurku, hati aku sayu, aku tersedu2...dan trus menangis mengenang diri kamu..yg telah jauh dr hidup aku, tp mengapa masih kerap muncul dalam lena ku, andai kamu ditakdirkan kembali pada ku, lekaslah dtg padaku, tak sanggup aku menahan rasa ini..aku sendiri tidak dpt merungkaikan perasaan yg terpendam dlm diri ku ini...Ya Allah, berikanlah aku petunjukMu, Engkau telah membawanya pergi dr hidupku setelah tamatnya hubungan cinta kami, dan aku terima, dia bukan untuk diriku...dan aku sedar, aku bukanlah org yg layak untuk dirinya, aku manusia yg penuh kelemahan, kehinaan, sdgkan dia org yg berilmu, berwawasan tinggi dan juga keluarga yg baik-baik...

Ya Allah, dktkanlah diriku ini pada mu, jgn lah kau biarkan perasaan jiwa ini bermain dan menghantui hidupku...Engkau lebih tahu apa yg terbaik buat hambaMu ini..

mungkin kesilapan aku yg lalu, mengecewakan dirinya, dan lansung membuatnya mengubah prinsip mengenai cinta dalam perspektif hidupnya.aku tahu, kamu seorang yg cintakan ilmu, sygkan ibu bapa, agama lebih dr segalanya, kamu tegas dan mempunyai prinsip tersendiri, kamu berwibawa, aku sgt kagum dgn dirimu Adzlan Fadzli...pendeknya akal aku sewaktu dulu, mengikut kehendak jiwa remaja, lalu mengecewakan diri kamu sehingga kamu jengkel dengan cintaku..Ampunkan aku Ya Allah..

2/9/2010 (11.44pm)
Nurul Diyanah....
aku insan yg lemah dan hina..

Friday, December 25, 2009

oh bertenang..

hei gei guys!
walaweh..long time no visit on my own blog, muahahaha!

tertekan! haha, asal tertekan je bru aku cri blog aku ni..
ho la, sal aku nak mengadu domba di sni.nobody willing to lend me their shoulders, sob sob~
i unable to attend my friend marriage today, its so regretful. but how, i just couldn't go!!!
alor star from ipoh, for me its too far...my parent wont allow me to drive there of course, by the way, i'm short of budget..blame me, blame me. no wonder nanti kenduri aku nanti takde sape nak mai. ceh!

then aku geram dgn cencorot yg selalu merajakan diri apabila di malam hri di rumah aku. mau terkejut cipan aku dibuatnye bile masuk2 bilik air kuar mahkluk itam bermisai berekor panjg, lari laju2 depan aku, cial lorr...nasib aku tak sembam jatuh, geramnye, geramnyer!!i kill u, kill u~~ <-- nada lagu soko =)

ikutkan byk bende nak digeramkan, tp..kalau aku ikutkan sakit...walaweh...bole kene blood pressure di usia muda ni..i must learn to cool down n control my emotion, yeah, i'm kewl, yuck~

haishh...pls, pls..one more tense is coming...pekakkan telinga, kosongkan minda..tutupkan mata...ZZZZZzzz.... =)

Monday, August 31, 2009

i know i never be alone

When i feel that my life is waiting for something and times are passing away just like that..Allah is always with me..

When i feel that i already trying all out and does not know what more to do, Allah is being with me..

When all incidents happens with no sense and never be expected, I feel so depressed..but Allah here to calm me down ..

When i feel so alone while my friends are all busy chatting, flirting and laughing on the phone..i know Allah always by my side..

When i desperate for a true love that never attend in my life, Allah got loves and cares that far better than any all and i realize He already create someone to be my partner one day..

When i feel that i in love with someone, while i know that love will never get any response..but Allah know what is already serve in front of me and He set all the best for me..

When i feel been betrayed and upset..i realize that only Allah can heal my wound and make me smile again..

If suddenly i can see and realize there are hopes for me, that is Allah whispering to me..

When everything is running smoothly and i feel so grateful..that is Allah blessing on me...

When something wonderful happens and i feel its was so miracle..that is Allah smiling at me..

When i got a wish to be fulfilled and a dream to be reached..that is Allah opens my eyes and call me with my name..

I must always remember..wherever or whenever i go and whatever i overcome..Allah always know and He always wit me..

(p/s: extended from the posting of LIFE HURTS)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

i'm well today

currently feel so lazy, to do anything that relate wit my study.assignments, reports, projects,proposal,arghhh..what so ever.. (due dates, pls stop chasing over me)
got no motivation la, aga~.

this song from muck, the perfect sunshine..glory band in perak zaman aku skolah, 90an kot....huhu, time tu mmg admire gak kat ducktoi tu.....bodysurf..tempat jammin paling best di ipoh, ade lagi ke x, aku pun dah lame tak jenguk.mane taknyer, duk merantau negeri org jer,isk.
i just proud wit PERAK band, ngeh2, kumpul duit cukup nak beli kaset Kopi Sechewen.muehehhe..layan sleepy zine.. agaaa..lagi satu fav band aku time itu, bloodymary, heww...grunge tak grunge, janji layan.. IPOH MALI TALAK SOMBONG maa.. pastu, aku lupe kan derang, skrang bru terkenang2 zaman itu. depa wujud lagi skang, pi add myspace depa, http://www.myspace.com/muck

(i got call from my dad on this late evening, he told me that he get suffocation (hard to breath) .. doc said that his health still ok, but if the simptom repeat, pls come back for another check. u know what i'm thinking, of course, about heart attack, in his age, the risk was so high. so remind him again n again, pls take serious in his diet. frankly, i want to be wif my dad all the time, coz i'm really afraid of losing him in anytime..diz distance put me away from him now, sigh.. mak..i love u 2..)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

LIFE HURTS

LIFE IS A MESS.
WHY I SUCK AT EVERYTHING THAT I'M DOING?
NOTHING GOING RIGHT.
.BURDEN
.BURDEN
WHY I WANT TO GET SOMETHING THAT I KNOW I CANT HAVE IT..?
I CANT CONTROL MYSELF ANYMORE
AM I THE UNLUCKIEST PERSON IN THIS WORLD?
HAPPINESS NEVER STAY FOR LONG.
ALL I CAN SAY THAT MY LIFE IS PRETTY WORST!
LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST?? IMPOSSIBLE!

p/s: do i need to follow the life instructions?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

good old days

oh oh, sgt palat hidup ni.

maaflah kedua2 posting aku yg sblum ni sgt mengjengkelkan, uhuhu, tidak bermaksud untuk mengekspres feeling sedemikian rupa, tetapi jiwa yg kacau ni memaksa2 jari aku untuk menaip.

hoho, sila abaikannya. mari meneruskan kehidupan yg sememangnya sgt dull dan null ini (hidup nina ricci la..) music pls!

still remember Juliet The Orange (the quizzical, eyelash, ode from psychopath), underground duo at mid-late 90s, sgt nostalgic dan memorable buat aku.. lagu2 yg sgt evergreen n still fresh in my mind. seperjuangan dengan nice stupid playground ground (bedroom windows, she wants), butterfingers (girl friday, sober) etc. they make us proud with local underground music, which nowadays, err, err, ape ye ptt aku katakan, erm!sangat berdaya maju hoho. i always willing to listen (n critic too).

thanks for the memory and the song they had made. they brought the good old days to us.

p/s: not found the original VC, credit to biscottifish from You Tube.